i implore you.

i'm wont to conceptualize, compose and create an entire week of loathing for sex and the city 2.  each day a different lambasting bit of vitriol aimed at the two hours and fourteen minutes this downright abysmal film robbed me of.  i'd want to pick apart the film as a piece of cinematic garbage, ream the movie for its offensive nature towards other cultures, run a cyber-smear campaign about the film's unabashedly american sensibilities.  i want to seriously go door-to-door to the films obvious demographic (women and gay men age 17 - 35) and roughly assert that this film is not worth watching.

i implore you viewers of the world, do not go and see this film this weekend.  you will hear your friends talk about "how dumb it is, but the clothes are great!" you will hear critics dismiss the film as a mere triffle, another stupid summer blockbuster that thuds without consequence.  you will hear those close to you hint that maybe, as they are tired and they just want to consume something stupid, that sex and the city 2 is a possibility for your friday cinematic viewing.  but please, do not listen.

sex and the city 2 is a clear an indication of the future of hollywood as any shitty sequel/remake/video game adaptation i've seen in the last year, and we as a culture need to draw the line.  we need to say that this sort of superficially blase film, rife with churning currents of racism and overt consumerism is not something that we as film viewers will accept.  hollywood is quickly and quite aggressively becoming the sort of beast that we as film lovers will no longer understand in two or three years.  and it's doing so with our silent complacency.

i know, and have already experienced the sort of backlash disapproval of a film like this brings. "oh noah, who cares, it's just not your type of film," or "you are not the target audience," and "it's just a stupid film."  and guess what?  that means hollywood wins.  we've rolled over, we've let our national cinema become a stew pot of shit brimming with corporate sponsors and unoriginal thought and it's time to say no.  i'm not proposing a boycott or anything even slightly protest related, i'm just saying, go support other film this weekend.  find a good independent cinema and just relax amongst a film you've never heard about.

don't be a faceless ten dollars in the millions this awful movie will certainly rake in.

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criterion counsel: our viewing of the film was sidetracked last evening by weighty conversation.  soon though, soon.

pain.

i'm angry right now at the state of cinema.  in the last two days i've seen, and please forgive me my cinematic transgressions, sex and the city 2 and prince of persia: sands of time.  both, for varying reasons, differing all the way, have left me entirely bereft of love for film, my once true love.  i've sat and stared at a list of reasons why i hate both of these films, trying, oh god trying, to dig out some sort informative bit of thought that would let me lambast these films in an intelligent way.

but, jesus christ, i just don't know if they exist anymore.  both of these films are so awful in so many ways, they are literally the cappers of a solid month of terrible new cinema.  an almost dreadful portent of where i think hollywood is taking us.  all the signs are there: a lackluster cannes, disney pulling the plug on original thought, the proliferation of remakes and rehashes - we're spiraling towards destruction.

or maybe we're not.  i've had a few thoughts lately about why modern cinema and i just aren't jiving:

1.  perhaps cinema, in all it's monstrously blockbustery form is a young person's game, like rap music and technology.  perhaps the flashy explosions and sweat-cleavaged women flopping about don't appeal to me as much anymore because my maturity level as risen above that of a fourteen year old.  not to say that a good, stupid action movie doesn't sometimes float my boat (ask anyone about my prematurely named Dayz of Swayz marathon), it just seems like everything is big and stupid and flashy and sometimes, most of the time, i want a little originality, a lot of plot, and some strong steady camera work. i've gotten past, for the most part, the awkward morning boners and high-pitched cracks of filmic puberty, i've even moved past the binge drinking of my college days of cinema.  i'm getting older and, not surprisingly, so is my movie taste.  i don't need fruitless action and swiss-cheese plots.  i need a good solid piece of cinema that i can wrap my arms around and dig in.

2.  also, i'm no longer a part of modern pop culture.  i've slipped out of the cultural tunnel.  i don't care about reality television, or i-pads, or the season finale of lost or who's winning in the nba finals.  i just don't care anymore.  i jettisoned a television almost a year ago, and have blissfully been ignoring the modern's world sensibilities every since.  thus, when the criterion conquistador and i were curled in to the fetal position watching carrie and samantha spit on the cultural traditions of the arabic world, i couldn't even laugh, because half of the jokes about taylor swift and miley cyrus and justin beiber just flew right on over my head.  i mean in general satc2 flew right over my head as even back in the day i couldn't embrace the show or it's film spin-off.  every aspect, the characters, the romances, the clothes, none of this shit registers because as a human existing in the real world, i just don't give a shit.

3.  that said, satc2 and prince of persia are terrible films.  awful, offensive bits of muck that are completely and totally indicative of film hollywood today.  i will have much to say in the weeks to come about both of them, but i thought, before unleashing the weapons of destruction, i'd at least paint a picture of where i am in terms of film and why we're starting not to get along.

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criterion counsel: sleep is at such a premium these days.  and that is all i will say.