On the road ... again. And ALL THAT HEAVEN ALLOWS (95)

I'm leaving. For the Northwest. So I have very little time to chat today dear friends, loyal readers, and green-eyed villains.

Thus, I'll just get to a few quick thoughts about a strange little movie called All That Heaven Allows (95).

This is what I scribbled down, with annotation, while watching the Douglas Sirk film All That Heaven Allows (95)

1. Rock Hudson = Creepy

My mom's best friend was related to this gay heartthrob. I grew imagining him to be some sort of good looking God. Instead he's sort of a craggy old man with a voice so smooth I literally felt a little violated when he was talking. Seriously, he's all manners of disturbing in this film (not entirely on purpose) and whenever he spoke I felt like someone was slipping me a roofie.

2. Far From Heaven

Do you remember that Todd Haynes movie that came out a few years back that was supposed to look just like a Douglas Sirk film? Well, it's supposed to look just like this one, and the similarities are shocking. That film is almost this film with the addition of a black gardener and a gay husband. I still don't like that film very much.

3. Rich people suck.

No seriously, if rich people are actually like the rich people in this movie (catty, nosy, uncaring of other's feelings) they suck. And though I don't know for sure, I'm almost positive this movie speaks nothing but the truth, thus, rich people you suck.

4. Children, they also suck.

If you were thinking about popping out a few, watch this film. Those little bastards get old and turn on you when you least expect it and then come crying back to mommy when they the guns turned on them. Two words: birth control.

5. How did men talk like that in the 50s?

There's just this weird sing-songy, educational tone to every spoken by any man on film from the 1950s. Like every word is an adage that you should write down to pass along to your children. In Alex's words they sound "dickheadish". Say that fast, it sounds like foreign cheese.

6. Best ending ever.

So at first I'm watching Rock Hudson fall off a cliff and the main lady drive away unknowing and I'm like, "best ending ever!" But then he's pulling out of his coma and she's by his side, and I'm like, "Total letdown!" But then they start kissing and a snowy elk appears by the window and I'm like, "Hmmmm ... still pretty awesome."

Weird movie. But really entertaining.

Wednesday: Who knows.