EXPECTORATING: THE SCARLET EMPRESS (109)

I've decided to name my new column "Expectorating." "Why?" You might ask. It started out that I wanted to name the new column something that had to do with expectations and what each of these gems of films promised as I came closer to them. The first term that popped in to my head was "Expectations", but upon writing it I felt more akin to a crystal-piled New Age convention. It turns out that there aren't that many words in the dictionary that "expectation" is a part of, so when I stumbled up expectorate, I was excited to say the least. Expectorate, sounds like expectation, looks like expectation, it certainly must have something to do with expectations.

Alex and are I driving somewhere and I'm proudly running through my new column's name and she turns to me and says, "Expectorate means to spit." There is a slight debate about what the term might mean, and then, as usual, I turn out to be completely clueless.

But guess what? I'm keeping it. I love the idea that expectorate means to expel, to spit, to get something not just off your chest, but out of your chest. I'm an opinionated chap on occasion and if this little ditty of a column seems to be a symbolic form of hacking up phlegm, I don't mind that.

Thus, get out your hankies, it's expectoration time.

The Film: The Scarlet Empress (109)

The Director: Josef von Sternberg. An Austrian-American with an enormous, oft times over-the-top personality that was once threatened to be thrown off a pier by Robert Mitchum. Had a long tempestuous relationship with 20s and 30s star Marlene Dietrich.

The Synopsis: A mighty bit of 30s period piece featuring a lavishly dressed Marlene Dietrich, thousands of extras and I'm quite sure of 104 minutes of nappy time for No-No.

My Prior Experience: I've heard the name many many times and am pretty sure I've seen at least a part of The Blue Angel, but aside from that, I'm a dedicated newcomer to this whole Austrian-American period piece.

My Expectation: I'm expecting a nap. Seriously, his biography describes the public's response to his film as "inert." Inert sounds like a pleasant slumber. The clothes are supposed to be amazing, so I'm sure my Criterion Companion will need to wipe the drool from her mouth on more than a few occasions.

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Criterion Counsel: Not even a peek yet. The DVD looks pretty though. Was busy yesterday catching up on, well, new, positively riveting bits of noir and sci-fi. Sorry, Austrian period piece, just not cutting it.

A new feature!

I've been noticing a few things lately:

1. I've been posting infrequently. And I hate that.

2. I haven't really been talking about movies very much, aside from the rarely watched Criterion film. Aside from that I've been excusin' myself from something I dearly love. And guess what? That stops now.

3. There isn't a huge amount of structure to this here blog. I write about movies, I write about my personal life, and on occasion they connect. But, as the writer of this blog, I can't say I feel as if there's much structure to the proceedings. And guess what? I want that to change as well.

4. For a film blog dedicated to the love of Criterion, there isn't exactly a lot of Criterion talk nor Quest talk. I'm just over here rambling it up about this and that and the what not, and hell, I'm tired of it.

Thus today I'm instituting a few new things. First, each and every day I'll include a Criterion Counsel, a sort of brief daily update on what I'm working on and how it's going, and what I'm thinking about the film. When I finally finish the film (which takes a while on some of these beasts) I'll write a full review, but I'm hoping that you, the readers will be at least somewhat interested in the quotidian rhythms of my viewing pleasures. Second, I'm going to start, this very moment, a new feature, name unknown, that just introduces you to what I'm watching next in terms of this here Quest. Why? Because I love writing about movies and this seems like a fantastic way to keep doing so.

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The Film: The Rock (108)

The Director: Michael Bay, he of the multi-billion dollar pictures, he of the worst film of the decade, Transformers. Previously in the Criterion Collection: Armageddon (40)

The Synopsis: C'mon, you've seen The Rock (108)! FBI chemical-dork Stanley Goodspeed (Nicolas Cage) and ex-Alcatraz escapee John Patrick Mason (Sean Connery) have to break in to the titular Rock to stop ex-Marine General Francis X. Hummel (Ed Harris) from blowing the hell out San Francisco.

The Film: Big, busty and full of shitty action edits. Michael Bay sort of reinvented the action thriller with this film, replacing well thought out the grit and grimness of films like Die Hard for a sensory experience that left you mouth-dry on the verge of seizure.

My Prior Experience: I've seen this film so many times. I was sort of a Michael Bay sycophant in my wee years (much to the chagrin of my mother and father) and absolutely loved this film. Nic Cage's desperate scramble for the rolling green ball of death-ooze? Classic. Cage's knees-down, smoke signal as jets blast overhead? Amazing. Sean Connery in his last role of worth? Buh-rilliant. I'll admit this, and please don't judge me, but a long time back, when I thought it might be possible for me to actually own every Criterion film, I bought this, and, sigh, Armaggedon (40) for a combined eleven dollars on the internet. They've been sitting under my desk accruing dust for years now. Still, I am ashamed.

My Expectations: Extremely low. I've perused bits and pieces of this clunker over the years and as I get older the film only gets worse. Chugging through the impressively long Armageddon (40) was a pretty savage ordeal and I can only imagine this well-remembered film will be equally difficult.

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Criterion Counsel: Alex and I started watching this film last evening. We'd been beer tasting in the hours prior, so I was groggy and well, pretty drunk. Nonetheless, the opening scenes featuring Ed Harris in a torrentially down pouring SF (this does not happen) and the neon lights of the chemical factory said pretty much everything - this is a film made by and made for cheese dicks. Dicks of cheese, they love this film.